Saturday, February 19, 2011

hello out there?

17. Your fears.

I'm afraid of rejection. Of adversary that pulls the ones I care for most away from me. I mean, I'm afraid of other things, horror films get to me pretty easily, but those I just react physically and verbally loud to and afterwards have a good laugh at my hilarious, extreme behavior. But bombing a performance or getting nagged about some plan of mine gone awry or an unexplained breakup, I fear that stuff the most. I don't show it when I'm truly, deeply afraid as much as I do with the fleeting scares. When I'm truly afraid, I feel like the dementors have come down on me. As if all happiness is gone from the world. I allow things to get to me, because my personality is so surfaced. And I'm not saying I'm a wimp or baby entirely, because I know that I can be brave. I've gone through my share of rejection and solitude in my 19 years of living, and I think I'm doing ok so far. But those are my fears. I was going to say that bugs or the dark or heights or madmen with axes are some things that I'm afraid of, but that's not true. I react pretty crazy to all that stuff, but my reality goes deeper than that. My real fears are being rejected and uncared for. Unwanted. Alone.

Life is a challenge. My fears are brought to life, in small manifestations, every day. 

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...