Friday, April 29, 2011

stress in f clef

Today's kind of a big day. And oh look! It's snowing outside - grr. Isn't may in two days? Anyway, today I have my very last class (potentially) of keyboard harmony. I'm also volunteering to help out with this high school band thing going on at the fac. Then, after wind orchestra, I have juries. Following juries is our last concert of the semester. So like I said, big day.

My juries aren't stressing me out - last night I practiced for a solid hour and a half and everything I went through seemed to go well. What I'm the most worried about it my Keyboard final Monday morning. If I don't get at least a 140, I fail the class. Bass clef just plain sucks! I took piano for 5 years in my childhood, but once I got to college, it was as if I've never looked below middle C. Also, I play some euphonium music in that clef, but Dr. Wheeler catches my contempt for f clef and gives me any music he can find in g clef instead. 

Thursday, April 28, 2011


The spirit has always, always, been a strong presence in my life. A lot of times in my past I can recall its words directed at me. Mostly though, I get deep impressions that feel like judgment, but I know isn't coming from me. And for the longest time, the spirit has been urging me to pursue something I didn't originally want to pursue, for unknown reasons. Or so I thought. Tonight, I felt an aggressive, complete opposite prompting than my usual, with this thing. I heard the voice telling me to "get out and go home" very distinctly. I was so surprised with how firm He was, how different of a prompting this was compared to my usual. Upon leaving the premises, I was very calm and comforted, but once I got out of there, anxiety overwhelmed my person. I got to my room, still in a shuddering panic. I stopped breathing and pretty much knocked myself out from sheer lack of oxygen. It has taken me a good two hours to calm down now, and I'm sure the shock of the situation will keep me up all night. Could the spirit have really been fooling me all along? Have I really been led away from the spirit and been following other promptings? Or was this all supposed to be a test? Was it something He wanted me to go through, until this one random, insignificant moment when He tells me to all of a sudden"get out"? I don't agree, and I don't understand. I'm so upset and exasperated and confused. 

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

elegy of an uprooting

My computer hasn't been letting me on my blog these last few days, claiming there was malicious software stored in the html add-ons. Basically, my blog crashed. I simply had no choice but to alter the format and make it like new! These last couple of hours have been dedicated here. I hope you like the way things look now. :)

On another separate and dissonant note, I leave the dorms in ten days. Next Saturday. What's funny about that, is I'm not sad to see it go. I'm not afraid of all the goodbyes I'll have to give. I'm so ready to get out of here, even though it's been way good to me. 

I live in the towers on Utah State's central campus. Here, we have required meal plans and a daily janitor, which means two big things: I don't own kitchen equipment or any household cleaning supplies. Not to mention, I have no groceries, not even cereal. I've been relying on the school system. This means I will be needing to buy a boatload of, Everything, once I move out. To make this more convenient, I don't even have a car! Last August upon moving in here, I brought 5 pieces of luggage filled with my life, and then proceeded to get two Walmart shopping carts full of more stuff. Haha - this is going to be fun...

I've got some help from a few friends and Benjamin, but to be honest I've been stressing about the location switch a lot lately. My small towers dorm is bursting with my things and I can only hope to God that I can manage to pack up and organize it all, manageably. I'm not even worried about juries or finals anymore! But I haven't been practicing flute or keyboard hardly enough, at the same time. That's not normal, is it?

Monday, April 25, 2011

c'est belle

I've been keeping a collection of paintings I love, via iPhoto. If I could have anything in the whole world right now, it would be an original oil-on-canvas work of art. Oil is sublime; watercolors aren't too shabby either, I suppose. Here are just a few of my favorites. 

Friday, April 22, 2011

...aand we're back!

Hello, blog world. 
Lent is over, and here I am.

I'm really looking forward to blogging again. I'm not going to challenge myself with deadlines and subject restraints anymore :P even though it was pretty gratifying, knowing I successfully completed the 30-dayer. These last couple of months, honestly, haven't been very eventful. Just lots of school and music and boyfriend. Lots of happiness, with a good amount of stress, too. But I won't go into the mundane details.


Tonight I used up the last of the products I snagged at Sally's back in February. It seems like everybody evacuated the towers for the weekend, or at least for Friday night. I got home after dinner, settling in to another calm evening, when I spontaneously decided to do my roots all by myself. I've had my hair blonde for almost 5 months now.. wow. Recently, a lot of people (including my family) have been criticizing my unnatural color and pretty much begging me to go brown again. I was getting so much flack, that I almost did what people told me to do. I was planning on rounding up a box dye at Walmart tomorrow when Ben and I go for easter egg supplies. But here's the thing: regardless of what people say, even if it's mama, I hold dominion over my own life. I have plans for my blonde hair; I've had them ever since I spontaneously bleached it in the first place. I wanted to be blonde for a semester, and I promised myself I'd go natural before band camp in the fall. So screw it, opinions on my facebook wall! And I love you, family, but you're going to have to live with a platinum for a little while longer. 

Not only did I do my hair by myself, but I did a great job on it, too. And I've decided to make this a night of self-pampering, which has been lovely. Hair, check. Exfoliating body & taking a bubble bath, check. Nails & blog post, in progress. 

I have finals a week from Monday, and juries in six days. Soon my freshman year of college will be over, and I'll have another four months of mostly down time, in Logan. I got a couple part-time jobs with the University, after months of persistence. But neither of those employments will keep me very busy. I'm not used to free time! Instead of lazing away this summer, though, I really want to focus on self-improvement. I want to get organized, healthy, and centered. Not to say that my life is in chaos, because I'm seriously so happy right now. I'm in love and I'm on track for my dream career and I'm settled right into the Utah lifestyle. However, there are certain things I've noticed, especially throughout the end of this semester, that needs improvement. For example, I've let some of my friends take advantage of my generosity by being passive and accepting, and I feel like I'm being walked on and disrespected. I need to create a pattern of assertiveness in my life, without coming across as a biotch. 

Anyway, I have to get to bed. Writing this evening has been way refreshing! All it's missing is a good, memorable picture. I found this one last week on StumbleUpon, and I couldn't stop laughing. The caption to the photo was "dog picks bad spot to lay down - what dog could possibly resist a bundle of sticks?" Enjoy below... ;)


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