after midnight

So it's a Wednesday night and I have another precious block of time by myself in my dorm room. I just finished the last bit of homework for the rest of the week. I printed out this week's music for voice lessons, and I organized my laundry. My life is put together pretty well anymore. It's funny what college does to a person. Before I left, I was home all summer, and I was fairly responsible - I did my family chores and took care of my dogs, but I didn't take care of myself. My room was always a mess, I didn't pay attention to my sleep pattern (and consequently ruined all of my mornings), and my hygiene was just, inconsistent. I don't know, maybe it said something about how I viewed myself. Maybe I just had low self esteem. But I know that I never fully knew how to take care of myself, and being here at Utah State, I suddenly feel like I can do this. I'm taking 20 credits and keeping up with institute, my church calling, practice hours on my flute, laundry, friends, and the ever exciting love life. Not to say that I was perfect once I got out here, or that I'm perfect now, but I don't remember having to seriously struggle to stay on top of everything. Even if a problem has come up, I have so many people to come to and talk to, it's so nice to have all of this support. I feel like I'm on top of the world sometimes! This is truly heaven to me. Or maybe this is just how life is supposed to be. Sure, there are trials. Life is hard. And I am so blessed to be in my wonderful situation of a successful first semester in college. But I honestly never knew that it could be this good. I was so used to constant heartache and discontent growing up, that I didn't know any differently. I didn't know it was possible to have it any better. I remember fighting to make my life better, fighting for the greater good in the household and in the relationships I developed. The human dynamic in the east coast was so cutthroat and, almost hopeless. Like, it didn't seem important to people to get along all of the time. But that has always been so important to me! It's so important to communicate as much as you can with others, with friends and family and loved ones. It's so important to smile and laugh and hug and give and love on a daily basis. My whole life long I was wondering why these things weren't prevalent. Now that I have the communication I've always wanted, now that I have this affection and streaming positivity, I couldn't ask for more. I'm so excited for the future! I hope that I won't wake up from this fantastic ongoing dream any time soon. But even if I do, I'll always have this to look back on.

room 416

Maybe it's wrong for me to post my address on the internet. But I need to talk about my living situation! I go around campus and talk to different people, and when I tell them I live in the towers, most people say "I am Sorry". There's a good deal of animosity towards the way the towers are set up. But I don't have a problem with it. I live in Valley View Tower on the fourth floor and I have it so good. 

Leslie is my roommate. Can I explain just how much I love Leslie?! She is so beautiful and smart and funny and caring and adorable. I love how I can tell her absolutely any thought or secret, and I love listening to her stories too. Walking into our dorm room, her colorful side always cheers me up. Our beloved Aggie Avenue sign hangs on her wall, from the first week that we spent together. We went to a concert! And they were giving out free stuff, and they called the first five people to come to the table from out of state! I ran over there, but she beat me to it :) Our first week together, we shared every detail of our lives. I trust her more than I've ever trusted another person before. We can talk seriously and laugh and cry together. We can talk about the Lord and about boys and about our insecurities and I always want to be there for her.

People are pretty much jealous of our dorm room. We have the room directly across from the elevators, we have awesome curtains that no one else can compete with, we have a garden surrounding our doorway. We also have more food in our room than either of us can handle! Especially since we all have meal plans and don't need all that is stored on the top shelf, it's fantastic. We keep our door open and one of my favorite part of the days are when our neighbors come and stay awhile. The girls on my floor are amazing and I am so lucky to be here and to have them in my life. There has been several microwave fires in the towers since the start of the semester, and whenever we're kicked out and are forced to wait for the fire marshall on the soccer field, you can see all the occupants of the floors altogether, and it's fascinating to see the different social interactions. Most girls are to themselves and don't really talk to each other; not us. Catherine and Skadi and Kira and Sherece and Becca and Mackenzie and Leslie and Tori and Taylor and Kayla and Reem and Michelle and Jessica and Bryanne and Laura and Marie and Tiffany and Ari and Hannah and Whitni and Katie - it feels like a family. I've never felt so healthy before, so happy and stable and close to Christ. 


On Saturday morning, Leslie and Michelle left for Farmington to visit with Michelle's family and to go to General Conference in Salt Lake together, since Leslie's never visited temple square before and such. It was sad when we said goodbye; I said "Give momma hugs!" And it really felt like I was parting ways with my family. I thought that the rest of the weekend was going to be lonely. Much to the contrary, I got back up to the fourth floor and a dozen people came over and watched conference with me on my itty bitty macbook. Kayla brought over her boom box and connected the speakers and we turned on all the fans and gathered on the beds and chairs. The spirit was so strong that day. I have such a testimony of friendships and the importance of time spent with loved ones. It's hard for me to tell others that I LOVE them. I talk about things and ideas and loving that sort of thing is natural, but loving people and telling them so is serious to me. And even though I'm still struggling with saying it out loud, I really love these girls, and I know that I have them as lifelong friends. 

a dozen roses

I feel as though my heart is being wrenched from my chest. My head gets hot and my knees are weak. My mouth gets dry and I lose my train of thought. I feel like a failing ringbearer over my emotions.

RS general broadcast

I thought I would take notes on here, since its easier to type than to write in my broken journal.

Sister Julie Beck: Relief society is a compass and guide for righteous women. Understanding relief society strengthens their foundations. Align his daughters in his work. Enlist his help... We study our history to know who we are. PRIORITIZE MONEY! Teach young women to be sober, willing, chaste. The constant theme: sisters who utilize the power of the Holy Ghost are blessed and receive revelation.


Sister Silvia H. Allred: You don't have to be married to keep the commandments! The Lord says, I will not forget thee. The Lord loves you. He knows your hopes and your disappointments. He will not forget you. The Lord grades you on your effort. Our faith in Christ will give us the confidence to face life's daily challenges. We have to remain temple worthy to receive our covenants, so we can see our family in heaven and be with them forever. It is so important to understand the plan of redemption.

• Prayer
• Scripture Study
• Obediance
• Service

The Lord expects those who are strong to strengthen the weak. As women, we have an essential part in the plan of happiness. Each of us are needed to build up his kingdom.

Sister Barbara Thompson:  Visiting Teaching. In Alaska, home teaching was impossible. Prayerfully though, they found ways to bless and strength their sisters. Sisters who truly seek to love one another find meaningful ways to accomplish this task with the Lord. Sometimes the best part of the visit is to Just Listen. Or do some housework. Or calm a crying a child. Don't look at it as a burden; it is a blessing. 

(Interlude)

President Thomas S. Monson: Our soul has reason to rejoice tonight. The spirit of the Lord is here. How do we look at each other? Are we making judgments when we don't have all the facts? None of us are perfect. And yet for some reason, we have a tendency to point out the faults of others. There's really no way to know the heart of others. For some reason, we find reason to criticize. 

Not only do we judge actions but we judge appearances - clothing, hairstyle, size. "You could lose customers by putting up such people". Oh, if only they could have known him. Appearances can be so deceiving. It's such a small measure of a person. If attitudes, deeds, and spiritual revelations were reflected in appearances...  Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences make us judge one another? Mother Theresa's commitment was to love one another. 

CHARITY NEVER FAILETH. 

Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is the opposite of criticism and judging. Charity manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient. Forgiveness, patience; charity compels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful in times of weakness and error on the part of others. There's a serious need for attention to those who are unnoticed. True charity is love in action. It's resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances, to attributes that wont dim over time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others. In a hundred small ways, all of you are advocates of charity. Recognize that everyone is doing their best. It is the highest, strongest, noblest kind of love. 

Charity Never Faileth.