Day 26: Your Dream Wedding

Alrighty then.. My dream wedding.


I want the actual getting hitched part to be small, and quiet. Just family. Intimate and not so showy. Mind you, I'll have everybody coordinating and I'll have the flowers and day plans under control, and I'll for sure get me a wedding photographer. But I don't want my wedding to be a production, because it's not a production, it's a sacred ceremony. I'm really looking forward to that moment when I'm officially sealed to my husband forever. 


The partying afterwards is another story, however. I'm going to need to have a reception here and an open house, too, back home in Pennsylvania. I want the reception to be in the evening, and I want it candlelit and romantic. The color scheme is going to be black, white, with muted shades of red and pink, kind of like this blog thing I have going on. I don't want it in a church gym, no way. It needs to be in some kind of classy banquet hall or old famous residence that can be rented out for events. I'll have it catered and the lacy tablecloths will be sprinkled with rose petals. I want no dead noise in any part of the reception: live music by the tables and dance floor, old italian love songs in the background by the lobby and bathrooms and food. I'll invite everyone we know and it'll be the party of the year! I used to plan some killer birthday parties in my time, so my reception will have to definitely blow them all away. 

night owl

I'm sitting here outside of the choir room before university chorale rehearsal. And Im thinking about my plans for tonight. Appropriately enough, I'm wearing my only graphic tshirt that says night owl. Last night was a blast and I think that I could get used to this, definitely.

Oh.

And I like a boy.

hesi... tation

Tonight was a good night. We played Fresno State in football and it started out as a good game but we ended up being creamed. It didn't matter though, because regardless of the score, I continued having a blast dancing and playing... 

...and eating the piccolo's community food. I love my section in marching band! They are all so maternal and giving - I was so full after the popcorn and frosted animal cookies and triscuits and sandies and homemade chocolate chip cookies! People are sweet and spending my time here with all of these people makes me feel wonder how some think there isn't any good in the world. Im completely immersed in the good in the world right now. Then after the game, we all quickly went home to change and then met up at a fast food joint, this time Burger King, to eat some very late dinners and tell jokes. 

It wasn't as long as last week's afterparty, but enjoyable anyways. We were pretty much kicked out, so we loitered for a while then most people left and the remains of the group ended up going to Sarrong's apartment and watching a movie. I fell asleep so many times throughout the movie! But I tried really hard to stay awake. It wasn't too hard to regain consciousness though, because I happened to be sitting next to someone I like very much. Well, after the movie, I stumbled to the car and was so dead, but once we arrived at my place, I talked with Megan for hours in the car. It is coming up close to 4 am, and I just got in. I got in to my sleepy roommate and the dorm floor silent. 

The reason why I am titling this entry as such is because as I'm spending all this time with band people, I leave out my dear dorm friends and I'm sad that I can't be with them too. Like, it's my decision, so it sucks that I feel like I'm letting them down, as they are fully aware that I'm making them a lesser priority. On the other hand, as I spend all of my time with band people and in particular some men who spark my interest, I am so nervous that I'm going to mess it all up. Never before have I felt the need to be so cautious about my actions. And that's weird, because these people are incredibly similar to me and just super kind and accepting. Instead of letting my guard down, I'm... hesitating. I don't understand why though. Maybe my approach to this new constantly social thing is from an overly laborious point of view. Maybe I'm being too strategical about friendships and experiences I have with my friends. Whatever it is, I know that I'm creating an extra obstacle for myself.

I think too much. AGHHH! 
Oh - random fact: today (well yesterday) was my one month mark of being on my own.