go to sleep.

It's four thirty in the morning and I can't sleep. 

I found this list sometime throughout this sleepless night.

I really want to do this right now. But tonight it's just not happening.

Tomorrow I have work. I'm honestly afraid of this happening to me.

And well, I guess I have nothing of substance to say. 

...aand we're back!

Hello, blog world. 

Lent is over, and here I am.

I'm really looking forward to blogging again. I'm not going to challenge myself with deadlines and subject restraints anymore :P even though it was pretty gratifying, knowing I successfully completed the 30-dayer. These last couple of months, honestly, haven't been very eventful. Just lots of school and music and boyfriend. Lots of happiness, with a good amount of stress, too. But I won't go into the mundane details.

So. 

Tonight I used up the last of the products I snagged at Sally's back in February. It seems like everybody evacuated the towers for the weekend, or at least for Friday night. I got home after dinner, settling in to another calm evening, when I spontaneously decided to do my roots all by myself. I've had my hair blonde for almost 5 months now.. wow. Recently, a lot of people (including my family) have been criticizing my unnatural color and pretty much begging me to go brown again. I was getting so much flack, that I almost did what people told me to do. I was planning on rounding up a box dye at Walmart tomorrow when Ben and I go for easter egg supplies. But here's the thing: regardless of what people say, even if it's mama, I hold dominion over my own life. I have plans for my blonde hair; I've had them ever since I spontaneously bleached it in the first place. I wanted to be blonde for a semester, and I promised myself I'd go natural before band camp in the fall. So screw it, opinions on my facebook wall! And I love you, family, but you're going to have to live with a platinum for a little while longer. 

Not only did I do my hair by myself, but I did a great job on it, too. And I've decided to make this a night of self-pampering, which has been lovely. Hair, check. Exfoliating body & taking a bubble bath, check. Nails & blog post, in progress. 

I have finals a week from Monday, and juries in six days. Soon my freshman year of college will be over, and I'll have another four months of mostly down time, in Logan. I got a couple part-time jobs with the University, after months of persistence. But neither of those employments will keep me very busy. I'm not used to free time! Instead of lazing away this summer, though, I really want to focus on self-improvement. I want to get organized, healthy, and centered. Not to say that my life is in chaos, because I'm seriously so happy right now. I'm in love and I'm on track for my dream career and I'm settled right into the Utah lifestyle. However, there are certain things I've noticed, especially throughout the end of this semester, that needs improvement. For example, I've let some of my friends take advantage of my generosity by being passive and accepting, and I feel like I'm being walked on and disrespected. I need to create a pattern of assertiveness in my life, without coming across as a biotch. 

Anyway, I have to get to bed. Writing this evening has been way refreshing! All it's missing is a good, memorable picture. I found this one last week on StumbleUpon, and I couldn't stop laughing. The caption to the photo was "dog picks bad spot to lay down - what dog could possibly resist a bundle of sticks?" Enjoy below... ;)

beddy bye, and goodnight

Ok so for day 19, I have my choice of my favorite place, or something I miss. For me, it's easy to combine them. I miss my favorite place, which is

MY BED!

I used to have the best. bed. ever. I don't think I have any pictures of my bed at home in my parent's house in Bryn Mawr, but if I can find one, I'm sure I'll obsess over it. It was my sanctuary, and the most comfortable thing I've ever had contact with. Hm, actually now that I think about it, being close to Ben beats my old bed in comfort levels. But oh well, I'm still focusing on that bed. It was a simple Ikea mattress & bed frame, and it was low to the ground, and I had the most luxurious sheets and comforter. Haha, you could say I'm pretty emotionally attached to it.

Haha, just kidding. I still have 11 days left!

barnyard blues

10. A Moment.

I checked the time on my cell phone; it said 4:03 am. I was standing a few feet away from my home's front door, in the dark of January 6th, of this year. My big blue jansport backpack, red roller carry-on and oversized black suitcase were stacked upon the tile, all packed and ready to be shipped across the country with me. I was sickly and aggravated and emotional, and I looked around for the last time before heading out to the truck with my parents. The house was full of Christmas decorations and baby clothes and there were still snacks left out on the kitchen counter. No one else was awake, all of my siblings and nieces weren't too aware of how early I was actually leaving. I stood there in the doorway and I embraced the fact that this was the last time I would see home for at least another 12 months. I understood that it wouldn't be my home anymore. I gave the barn a once-over, winced, and walked out the door.