stress in f clef

Today's kind of a big day. And oh look! It's snowing outside - grr. Isn't may in two days? Anyway, today I have my very last class (potentially) of keyboard harmony. I'm also volunteering to help out with this high school band thing going on at the fac. Then, after wind orchestra, I have juries. Following juries is our last concert of the semester. So like I said, big day.

My juries aren't stressing me out - last night I practiced for a solid hour and a half and everything I went through seemed to go well. What I'm the most worried about it my Keyboard final Monday morning. If I don't get at least a 140, I fail the class. Bass clef just plain sucks! I took piano for 5 years in my childhood, but once I got to college, it was as if I've never looked below middle C. Also, I play some euphonium music in that clef, but Dr. Wheeler catches my contempt for f clef and gives me any music he can find in g clef instead. 

two days to go

Day 28: Something that stresses you out.

Having a euphonium lesson the morning after a big flute recital, and not being prepared. 

A midterm in percussion techniques that I didn't know about until the night before.

Texting people multiple times and them taking their dear time getting back to me.

School in general.

 ( )

barnyard blues

10. A Moment.

I checked the time on my cell phone; it said 4:03 am. I was standing a few feet away from my home's front door, in the dark of January 6th, of this year. My big blue jansport backpack, red roller carry-on and oversized black suitcase were stacked upon the tile, all packed and ready to be shipped across the country with me. I was sickly and aggravated and emotional, and I looked around for the last time before heading out to the truck with my parents. The house was full of Christmas decorations and baby clothes and there were still snacks left out on the kitchen counter. No one else was awake, all of my siblings and nieces weren't too aware of how early I was actually leaving. I stood there in the doorway and I embraced the fact that this was the last time I would see home for at least another 12 months. I understood that it wouldn't be my home anymore. I gave the barn a once-over, winced, and walked out the door.

after midnight

So it's a Wednesday night and I have another precious block of time by myself in my dorm room. I just finished the last bit of homework for the rest of the week. I printed out this week's music for voice lessons, and I organized my laundry. My life is put together pretty well anymore. It's funny what college does to a person. Before I left, I was home all summer, and I was fairly responsible - I did my family chores and took care of my dogs, but I didn't take care of myself. My room was always a mess, I didn't pay attention to my sleep pattern (and consequently ruined all of my mornings), and my hygiene was just, inconsistent. I don't know, maybe it said something about how I viewed myself. Maybe I just had low self esteem. But I know that I never fully knew how to take care of myself, and being here at Utah State, I suddenly feel like I can do this. I'm taking 20 credits and keeping up with institute, my church calling, practice hours on my flute, laundry, friends, and the ever exciting love life. Not to say that I was perfect once I got out here, or that I'm perfect now, but I don't remember having to seriously struggle to stay on top of everything. Even if a problem has come up, I have so many people to come to and talk to, it's so nice to have all of this support. I feel like I'm on top of the world sometimes! This is truly heaven to me. Or maybe this is just how life is supposed to be. Sure, there are trials. Life is hard. And I am so blessed to be in my wonderful situation of a successful first semester in college. But I honestly never knew that it could be this good. I was so used to constant heartache and discontent growing up, that I didn't know any differently. I didn't know it was possible to have it any better. I remember fighting to make my life better, fighting for the greater good in the household and in the relationships I developed. The human dynamic in the east coast was so cutthroat and, almost hopeless. Like, it didn't seem important to people to get along all of the time. But that has always been so important to me! It's so important to communicate as much as you can with others, with friends and family and loved ones. It's so important to smile and laugh and hug and give and love on a daily basis. My whole life long I was wondering why these things weren't prevalent. Now that I have the communication I've always wanted, now that I have this affection and streaming positivity, I couldn't ask for more. I'm so excited for the future! I hope that I won't wake up from this fantastic ongoing dream any time soon. But even if I do, I'll always have this to look back on.