TWENTY!

In less than three weeks, I'll be turning the big 2-0! And what's more, I have absolutely NO obligations interfering with that glorious landmark establishing my adulthood. Eighteen was a terrible, dumb day - all I did was cry and cry and I can't even remember why. And there's no way I felt like an adult then, because I had a whole year of high school to still go through. Nineteen was fun, but especially since I spent the day with my past (and current) boyf who was 24 at the time, I felt so young and didn't like still technically being a teenager.

So, what ever shall I do? Go skydiving? Have a big crazy blowout party with lots of friends and family? Devote the entire day to primping and pampering my desolate college self? Veg out maybe, take a load off and count the number of people who say happy birthday to me (in vain) on facebook? Haha, who knows. For the first time in my life, I've decided NOT to make plans. I'll just go with the flow and do whatever comes naturally. If I don't set expectations, there's no way I can be disappointed, right? Right. Besides, it makes it all the more exciting to all those Elena fans who religiously follow my ever-eventful, blogged life story. ;)

As you can probably tell, I'm extra silly tonight. And not so super serious - as I usually am. 

...

That's because I'm so so happy! So grateful. So in love, and so excited for the rest of my life.

summer's end.. a couple weeks late :)

I found this in my drafts! And don't want to spoil it.

I woke up uncharacteristically early this morning, and can't get back to sleep. Today will be my last full day in my summer apartment, and my roommate and new member of the church is speaking today! I definitely will miss her beautiful spirit in my daily life.

So I started packing on Thursday - didn't get much done then. Friday I packed some more, gave away a tv, and procrastinated further. Saturday I got up early, started cleaning slowly, found a home for my printer and minifridge, and somehow managed to get most of my room in twenty different bags and boxes and in the living room for easy departure. 

Today, I've just got to finish the list my landlord gave me. I guess I've been so slow because I haven't had much else to do besides clean and pack up my place. I don't have a job right now, and I won't be in school for another couple of weeks. meh.

and here's a gem I found to add to the hodge-podge of this post!:

:)

take care now.

Recently I've been letting some things take control of my emotions. There must be some rough spots ahead in my future that God wants me to prepare for - that's the only reason I can come up with for these things to happen.

Let me preface by saying how happy I am right now. I have everything I've ever wanted: an education immersed in music, amazing friends who for the first time ever can relate to me, and the love of my life.

Having said that,  I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy now that my whole family's going through all different kinds of strife and sadness. How can I feel okay while everyone else is struggling? Furthermore, how can I accept the fact that there's nothing I can do about their problems? I always thought I could fix it all - I could fix our unhappiness. But I was wrong; the only person I can make a difference in is myself. All I can do for my family now is love them and pray for them, and hope that someday they'll accept me back into their lives.

boyfriends, girlfriends, & spongebob

Today was awesome!

I quit my job • went shopping with ben • ran into one my best girlfriends, awesomely • had a lunch date with ben • chatted it up with ben and his new roommates • went shopping some more by my lonesome • got a pedicure • met up with MORE girlfriends • ate frozen cherry lemonade with the girls • went on a pizza run • hunted down ben and gave him a ride to work • laughed and cried with my brown girls • played life, spongebob edition • tried on all my purchases from today, and felt beautiful.

So many people! So much happiness.