something out of the movies

Okay, so I was totally falling asleep just now. I set my alarms and said my prayers and everything! But today was just too perfect to not write down. As I was drifting off to dreamland, I couldn't help but think about my future self, and how I'd one day look back to these fond memories and know how good life is to me. How great is God.

The moment that stuck in my head the most happened this evening. Ben and I were walking home from church together, arm in arm, in the lovely, cool fall breeze. The sun was almost done setting and we were sharing headphones and laughing all the way home. I noticed the trees after we passed the awkward intersection on 10th north. I noticed the soft blanketing of leaves on the sidewalk, and the endless colors of everything in our path. Ben was excitedly changing songs on his iPod, telling me what he likes to listen to when he needs a pick-me-up at work and which songs are best for a melancholy mood. I love how excited he gets about the little things in life! I never appreciated anything as much as he does, about everything, and I'm so grateful for him so that I can learn to open my eyes.

I felt so safe. So gosh darn lucky to have everything I've ever wanted. So in love with Logan and the season and our lives together.

So we got home and I grabbed some vegetables and spices and gravy mix and brought them over to Ben's place, where he was already starting to cook me dinner. Not just any dinner, a STEAK dinner! It was honestly the most amazing steak dinner I've ever had. I sat at the bar all cute-like while he showed off his charm and shuffled around the kitchen. Needless to say, I had to help him cook the peas properly, because of course boys are clueless when it comes to the healthy stuff. But soon after we both sat down to a feast for two and had the most wonderfully romantic, delicious dinner you could ever imagine.

After dinner, we watched some youtube and colbert and then said goodnight. Today was something right out of the movies. Not only did I have a magical evening, but I felt invincible all day long. I was talking to my bishop tonight, and I told him how strong I feel. I don't have the stress that I had growing up anymore. I've had my share of ups and downs so far, and I know that life won't stay so easy forever, but I'll always have today as a landmark for the good that's here and the great that's yet to come. I'm living my happily ever after.

TWENTY!

In less than three weeks, I'll be turning the big 2-0! And what's more, I have absolutely NO obligations interfering with that glorious landmark establishing my adulthood. Eighteen was a terrible, dumb day - all I did was cry and cry and I can't even remember why. And there's no way I felt like an adult then, because I had a whole year of high school to still go through. Nineteen was fun, but especially since I spent the day with my past (and current) boyf who was 24 at the time, I felt so young and didn't like still technically being a teenager.

So, what ever shall I do? Go skydiving? Have a big crazy blowout party with lots of friends and family? Devote the entire day to primping and pampering my desolate college self? Veg out maybe, take a load off and count the number of people who say happy birthday to me (in vain) on facebook? Haha, who knows. For the first time in my life, I've decided NOT to make plans. I'll just go with the flow and do whatever comes naturally. If I don't set expectations, there's no way I can be disappointed, right? Right. Besides, it makes it all the more exciting to all those Elena fans who religiously follow my ever-eventful, blogged life story. ;)

As you can probably tell, I'm extra silly tonight. And not so super serious - as I usually am. 

...

That's because I'm so so happy! So grateful. So in love, and so excited for the rest of my life.

summer's end.. a couple weeks late :)

I found this in my drafts! And don't want to spoil it.

I woke up uncharacteristically early this morning, and can't get back to sleep. Today will be my last full day in my summer apartment, and my roommate and new member of the church is speaking today! I definitely will miss her beautiful spirit in my daily life.

So I started packing on Thursday - didn't get much done then. Friday I packed some more, gave away a tv, and procrastinated further. Saturday I got up early, started cleaning slowly, found a home for my printer and minifridge, and somehow managed to get most of my room in twenty different bags and boxes and in the living room for easy departure. 

Today, I've just got to finish the list my landlord gave me. I guess I've been so slow because I haven't had much else to do besides clean and pack up my place. I don't have a job right now, and I won't be in school for another couple of weeks. meh.

and here's a gem I found to add to the hodge-podge of this post!:

:)

take care now.

Recently I've been letting some things take control of my emotions. There must be some rough spots ahead in my future that God wants me to prepare for - that's the only reason I can come up with for these things to happen.

Let me preface by saying how happy I am right now. I have everything I've ever wanted: an education immersed in music, amazing friends who for the first time ever can relate to me, and the love of my life.

Having said that,  I feel like I'm not allowed to be happy now that my whole family's going through all different kinds of strife and sadness. How can I feel okay while everyone else is struggling? Furthermore, how can I accept the fact that there's nothing I can do about their problems? I always thought I could fix it all - I could fix our unhappiness. But I was wrong; the only person I can make a difference in is myself. All I can do for my family now is love them and pray for them, and hope that someday they'll accept me back into their lives.